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it's not supposed to be great

by Libby Janes

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1.
I dreamt of a failing ship Spinning in circles Only to meet your parents And you disappeared And I don't know if I'd like to figure that one out But I was happy to wake up in your arms You told me that you loved me After your show But you were drunk Stumbling in the road And I said I love you too Is it too soon to say? I'll say it anyway Found out recently that your gut feeling doesn't need reasoning or logic or rational answers You are to feel it And so I feel it with you I feel it I feel it with you Is it too soon to say? I'll say it anyway I love you too I love you too I love you I love you I love you too
2.
Paying Rent 03:17
I run away at the first sings of safe what a boring life I'd rather drink and not have to think and hate myself tomorrow It's a simple transaction of living can I escape for a little while don't you know that it's no fun to live life lite If I was to love you, well I'd be dead Keep lights off and I'll hide under my own bed If I had to, I'd run the world and I'd make everyone smile we'd all go to therapy and we could get real high But for now I guess I'll live like this I'll exist just to pay rent and I'll spend my money on things that allow me to forget and now I've grown older I don't like the way I don't like the way it's heading Here in late stage capitalism Don't take yourself too seriously it's not easy being older You see the damage this world has done and I could keep lying and I'll lie some more
3.
Love feels like a sunny day And it feels like eatin cherries in the spring And it's a cold beer after mowing the lawn And it's fresh laundry when it's warm I don't feel that With you All I feel is A strange tension Like pulling a rope That's endless, floating around endlessly, in the sea I want to be Happy And darling You're not right for me Darling, you're not right for me
4.
Lay your head down, you can close your eyes I'll make sure no one's around so you can try I know life is hard, and you just got your start Learning how to live Well I got news for you, You're a kid Pass the ball around, Make sure you don't make a sound, Mother's sleeping on the couch You don't know how hard it is to stay, this way Oh you precious mind, why don't give it a try? Make believe, oh please please please believe You know it's hard when you go You'll never know Til the things you've known have you turned you to stone That's when you know Life is over I'll carry you to the water, I'll carry you to the ocean
5.
Don't look at me with those you know I'll bite Cuz when the sun goes down it just feels like you and I I'll touch your arm cuz you're funny (meow) But I want you inside of me (meow) Cuz you're busy working, come see me after 3 Oh I know it's a shame Oh I know it's a shame I'm in love with a man who shares his last name 5 years and some days since we went to New Orleans I shoved you against the wall in the French Quarters Red lipstick smeared across your face, you weren't too happy In the car ride back home you said you love me What the fuck does that mean Oh I know it's wrong to want you this bad Oh I know it's wrong to want you this bad I'll bite and I'll kick and I'll scream Like a child who wants their candy You were everything to me Even at 20 I know it's wrong to love you I know it's wrong to love you I"m in love with a man who shares his last name I'm in love with a man who shares his last name
6.
Mary Teresa 05:13
You are everything I hate Tiring and boring Let your body rot in the couch your husband bought Who died 40 years ago And I can't help but imagine what it would have been To not live under your spell, to not live in your hell But I, I forgive you I know that you have pain and I forgive you, you have pain And don't you know that we know you're not perfect? You'll never be what you always thought you'd be Living in your shell, living in your shell You can't seem to leave But you're only trying to protective yourself from the pain that was brought upon you But you cursed my name, everyone that came from you And I will try, I'll try to break the spell And I will try, I'll try to break the spell I hope you have the courage to change in the next life I hope you nothing but peace and love and acceptance brought into your eyes Oh
7.
Self Care 04:08
One sunny morning, that's all it takes When you go outside the depression will just wash away That's what they say Go on a walk and drink some water "Honey, why don't you smell the roses?" You sound like a mother, who never cared for its kid I don't want answers I just want to say this is how I'm feeling And soon it'll go away I see the dogs on their walks My friend wants to pet them And it's funny because it never crossed my mind I'm too busy in my head It seems so simple Living life the way we do We're surrounded by cellphones and ads and plastic surgery trends somebodies getting in trouble I know I'll check the news this is what it is all the time how can I turn it off it wasn't supposed to be this hard it won't it won't supposed to be this hard it won't it won't supposed to be this hard

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Improvised and existential. Thoughts on living, loving, and forgiving.

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released December 2, 2022

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Libby Janes Austin, Texas

Diary entries with closed eyes and an out of tune guitar.

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